Bourdain, Me & Food as Pleasure

As a ten-year-old picky eater who took a sudden interest in the cooking channel and fervently watched Cake Boss and was allowed to make one Betty Crocker instant mix cake on the weekends, I was sure to find an interest in the sometimes vulgar, reflective, sensitive yet also unabashed Bourdain. His show thrust amidst clean-cut, spunky Jamie Oliver, intimidating, terrifying, and silent Marco Pierre White, and a myriad of other (sometimes forgettable) celebrity chefs or ludicrous reality television that I probably shouldn’t have enjoyed so much. He stood out so incredibly to me. I barely ate anything that wasn’t particular meals in particular conditions, I made my parents' life hell. But, being exposed to so much food did change that, watching Anthony take such pleasure in connecting with people via food is what changed that, sure Nigella Lawson or Ina Garten made cooking so approachable but none of them possessed that lust for food, none of them were as unfiltered and human, even I as a child could tell, this wasn’t for TV, this was just who Tony was. Traveling the world, squatting down and slurping Pho in a market eating beautiful cuts of strange meats, hanging out and conversing with locals he seemingly didn’t have anything in common with, showing how truly simple and wonderful human existence is.

I wouldn’t say I started cooking because of Anthony Bourdain but I did start eating because of him, gaining a sense of wonder about what people eat, why they eat what they eat, and when they eat it. I became almost insatiable overnight, hungry with curiosity, I wanted to go to restaurants and read menus and try things I usually refused to but sounded good, I wanted to go to the grocery store and attempt to find all these foods that I’ve only heard of, I couldn’t deal with picky eaters anymore, I scoffed at them. I ate squid and tasted oxtail and deshelled mussels. I pushed myself because I just wanted to understand it, to be as close to Bourdain as possible, I still spent hours watching people cook on TV, I got older and subscribed to food magazines, and I obsessed over food, I fed the people around me, it became a sort of reactionary thing, I was the person in virtually everyone’s life who they sought to feed them, discuss what they have been enjoying and someone they wanted to experience food with. It was a great honor, and I couldn’t have done it without him. 

I’ve always believed it was the great equalizer, no matter how differently we all ate, we all needed it, I’ve always rolled my eyes at individuals who thought food was beneath them, feeding themselves as only a means for getting through the day never as a form of enjoyment. Your body isn’t a temple I refute that statement but a vessel for pleasure and in such a tough, exclusionary existence why would you deny yourself such a pleasure? Why wouldn’t you indulge all your senses? Add a little extra butter, let peach juice run down your chin, order the side of fries, cook a three-course meal on the weekends for yourself to enjoy in the quiet of your apartment, go out for a nice steak, buy whatever food the street vendor is selling just because it smells good, maybe you’ll pay later but for now, it’ll be worth it. By just eating these seemingly random things you’re further connecting with everyone around you, and you’re getting a little closer to something sacred. Some people don’t even get to have that choice at all, they were never offered it but you are, so take hold of it, be thankful for it, respect your ability to choose, and make the choice you believe in, not the one you think you’re supposed to, not when it sacrifices such a simple, crucially human pleasure. And when did such a vital, natural act become so demonized anyway? Why have we become so afraid of the one thing we all have in common, to maintain a dress size or get closer to a sort of fabricated illusion of social acceptance? But, I am not here to open that can of worms, someone much more eloquent than I am can fully deconstruct it, and I’m sure you’re thinking it too, you too are squashed by so much guilt. I am tired, I am utterly exhausted from watching a recipe where someone places a slab of butter or garnishes with olive oil and someone suggests using something ‘fat-free’ or says that it’s excessive, it enrages me. Eat the goddamn butter or that hunk of cheese it’s delicious! 

Whenever I get into that mindset, which I unfortunately inevitably do (I am a woman existing in a society that continues to feed us nothing but a sense of guilt), I try to think of Bourdain, I think of myself reading his descriptions of oysters, like the most beautiful love letter that a lover never got to read or watching him on Parts Unknown, every episode a new city, getting into the belly of it, eating whatever was in front of him tearing into it without a sense of disgust or massive apprehension, he just dug in. And so I try my best to, I implore you to do so too. Eat without shame, without abandon, with ravishing hunger, with curiosity, with utmost joy, eat like you mean it!